It still doesn’t feel real. Despite having my visa’s sorted, my luggage bought, my packing list written and slowly starting to take place, it still doesn’t feel like I’m about to leave England. I suppose it was the same when I was going to Winchester for University; not till I was placing my boxes in the boot of my parent’s car did I actually feel like I was about to leave home.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments. At the US embassy when I was getting my visa, or my Skype interview for YMCA Camp Benson – both these occasions have had me bouncing off the walls with happiness. Occasionally, I’ll imagine building a shelter with the kids at camp, running around the woods, or singing songs around the fire. I think of myself in Australia watching whales migrate, scuba diving near The Great Barrier Reef, or even just picking oranges off a tree. I have plans for trips to places like Thailand, Bali, and Cambodia. When I picture these moments, I’m hit with a brief moment of excitement but then it quickly fades again.
I think I just find it hard to believe that this is actually happening to me. When did I become the person that books a one-way ticket and jets off around the world without any clue of when I’ll next be home? It just seems like something I read in books or watching in movies, not an actual life plan that someone like me would have the chance to experience.
Today marks 3 weeks until I catch my plane to Chicago and I’m currently laying in my garden enjoying a BBQ with my family. The air smells like sunscreen, burning coal, and freshly cut grass. I can hear planes in the sky, birds singing in the tree’s, and families laughing with each other, singing along to their favourite summer soundtracks.
I’m happy here but I know there’s a whole other world out there that I need to experience. I’m not made for the daily 9-5, slaving away at a job I don’t care about. I’ve got to go out there if I want the life I read about because I can’t just sit around and wait for it to come to me.
I need to be free.