Have you ever just laid in the dark, thinking about things you probably shouldn’t be thinking about. Maybe your mind wanders over to your first love. You wonder what they’re doing, if they’re thinking about you, how different things are since they left your life. Perhaps you think about your past regrets, wishing that you hadn’t chosen a certain subject at school because your friends thought it was stupid; dreaming you could go back in time and spend less time crying in bed, watching sad films, and stuffing your face with so many tubs of ice cream that your body will eventually double in size?
If it’s a good night, the darkness will allow you to conjure up memories and dreams of a time you were in hysterical laughter with a friend, the first time someone asked you to dance, or when you were lucky enough to see dolphins leaping out of the ocean. Do you think about your hopes and goals for the future, imagine yourself at your perfect weight, climbing a mountain up to glorious views, working at your dream job?
Sometimes, I just lay back and close my eyes, take in the silence of the night and imagine myself floating through space, reaching out my hands and brushing stars with my fingertips. I try to imagine if there’s anything else out there, whether heavenly or extraterrestrial. Sometimes my thoughts take me to a world unlike our own and this is the realm from which my stories are created. I might be sailing down a chocolate river or bouncing over soft, white clouds.
When the night wraps us in its darkness, it’s so silent you could hear a pin drop, and the feeling of being alone squeezes at your chest; that’s usually when my imagination runs wild. It can be great, especially when I don’t have to worry about getting up early or ruining a sleep pattern. Writing is usually best at night as you can think through the silence and there’s nothing in your way to distract you. It can also be a time of anxiety, fear, and loneliness that can eat away at your heart as you stare at the vastness of the moon and feel like everything is out of your reach.
I want to learn to move away from spending my nights worrying about the future, overthinking the past, or stressing about my life. I want to use my nights for creativity and recharging my brain. I look forward to the day I can turn my writing into a full time career and I can spend my nights letting my brain have free rein on the dreams it’s holding deep inside. I want to focus on the good in life and let the bad drift away.