For many, today was the first day back at work for this year. It would have been mine too if I was still living in Hampshire, but instead, I’m living the unemployed home with parents life. This is both a blessing and a curse. While yes, I had the joy of sleeping in and being able to head to the gym (no, I didn’t spell cake shop wrong, I actually went to the gym!) at my own pace, I also had to spend a great deal of my time looking and applying for jobs after a scary glance at the damage Christmas and New Years Eve has done to my bank account.
I started to compile a list of wish, goals, and resolutions for 2018 last night. I do this every year and a lot of the time it’s just a bit of fun, this year is different, however. I’ve never been so serious and excited about a period of my life before and I KNOW this year I’m actually going to do something amazing.
So without further ado, this is my list of wants/needs/goals/resolutions (whatever you want to call it!) for 2018:
#1 Weight Loss:
I know, I know, I know. Who doesn’t have this on their new years’ list?! The past few years I’ve really let myself go. It wasn’t all my fault, I gained A LOT of my weight from the contraceptive implant. Over the space of the 2 and a half years I had it in, I gained 7 STONE! Then as soon as I had it taken out, yes I may have stopped gaining weight, I just didn’t lose any either. I know it wasn’t all the implant though, the past 4/5 years have been fairly heavy on the depression side of things. I stopped exercising in favour of laying in bed, snacking on sweets and crisps because I couldn’t find the motivation to cook. Don’t get me wrong, I still love lazing in bed, but I’m done with that life now. I have a lot to do this year and I can’t do it all when even just walking up the stairs has me out of breath. I’ve signed up to the gym and I’ve downloaded a Couch to 5K app (and did my first run today!). Plus, a bonus of living with the parents is having dinner’s cooked for you again 😉 (Thanks, parents!)
The “a lot to do this year” comment I made above has a lot to do with travel. Not only have I booked a little European mini-break to Copenhagen next week, I’ve also applied to do Americamp this summer shortly followed by a work/travel visa in Australia! (While this is super exciting and I honestly can’t wait, I know I won’t be able to truly see the world without a massive weight loss!) I’ve always wanted to travel the world but I haven’t been able to because of education, work, or because I’ve been tied down in a relationship. This year is different though, I’m newly single and since I’m not working a dream career, I don’t really have any excuse to NOT travel this year – other than pure laziness and fear. I’ve been saving up for the past couple of years and will hopefully find a new job ASAP from which I can just save like a crazy person till I head into the big wide world!
Of course writing made the list! Writing is part of who I am, its something I’ve always done and always ENJOYED doing. Unfortunately, my time at University turned it into a bit of chore. I was made to write things I wasn’t necessarily enthusiastic about and a lot of my work became more a case of what I HAVE to do, rather than WANT to do. I want to turn this blog into a piece of my soul, writing about things that make me happy and that I feel a need to talk about, along with creative pieces I actually enjoy writing. I also really want to get the first draft of a novel complete. If I spend my whole life umming and ahhing over what I want my first book to be about, then there never will be a first book. I need to knuckle down and just go for it.
Linking on from the last point, I want this year to be filled with bravery. I need to push through the fears and insecurities of what people may think of me and my writing. Part of the reason I struggle so much with writing often is that I spend so long stressing over the impression my writing will give to people instead of actually just going for it. I’m also going to need to be brave over my travels as going to a different country by myself is pretty terrifying, yet I’ll be damned if I spend the whole time hiding in my room! I refuse to let my fears and insecurities get in the way of my life and stop me from doing the things I’ve dreamed of. The last thing I want is to be laying on my death bed one day wondering “WHAT IF?”
#5 Learning To Love Me:
Cheesy I know! I have spent most of my life in a relationship, even as a little tot in nursery school I would be bringing home notes from my “boyfriends”. It’s all I’ve ever known and I realised I never ended a relationship purely out of fear of being alone. It’s not just boyfriends that have stood in the way here, in school I was so desperate to be liked, I would do whatever I thought all the popular girls were doing (which actually turned out to be so wrong most of the time!) I’ve never really gotten to know myself and do what I want, not what someone else wants and I think that’s something I need to change. I hate that growing up, I wouldn’t do something I wanted to because I thought people would judge me and think I was weird. To make it worse, sometimes I would act really awkward around guys because I thought if I acted like myself they wouldn’t be interested anymore, although this often led to them thinking I was rude or uninterested because I just wouldn’t say or do anything. I need to learn that if I can’t love the real me, then no one else is going to either.
There are plenty of other little things I want to add like be tidier, drink 2-litres of water a day, cut out fast food and chocolate entirely. But I also want to acknowledge that sometimes life can get in the way and I don’t want to set everyday tasks that I’ll just be disappointed at the end of each day when I realise I haven’t stuck with it (she says on day 2 of a 31 day challenge!) These 5 goals I’ve chosen above are things I can work on throughout the year and things I know it’s okay if I get to the end of a long day and I haven’t done everything I should have. If I try to force myself to do something every day then it becomes a chore and I won’t enjoy it.
After all, 2018 is all about enjoying myself!
Happy New Year, guys! :*